The Truth

It’s been a while…I wish I could say it is because I have been on vacation because the truth is not as pretty. I have made a commitment to be positive and show how we positively approach raising a child with special needs so I feel bad for what I am about to write but it is the truth. So here goes… the past few weeks have been very rough around here. Blaze has been in his “autism world” a lot lately and when that happens we have no connection with him. We have no idea what has brought it on this time and it is lasting way longer than it usually does. It is very difficult to get, let alone keep, his attention. His eye contact is poor and he turns into a laughing mess every night. When he laughs you can just see in his face that he has checked out. During these times, we miss our boy. Not sharing little moments with your child is heartbreaking. And for us with Blaze those little moments are so important because we already can’t bond with him in the same way you can with a typical child. To say the least, it is draining and it makes us wonder, once again, if we are making the right decisions for him. We are looking into some different therapy options for the summer and at different daycare options. As of about 2 weeks ago our Nanny is no longer with us which has added a whole other level of stress for me and Alan trying to get daytime care covered. Lately it has just seemed like all we have are options but none of them are great, and really none are even good.
So what do I do when it isn’t all sunshine and roses?
• I pray. I have started reading this book called The Circle Maker which describes how you can pray circles around things in your life. Let’s just say, I have been circling like a race track driver 
• I find the little things that are good to try to balance out the not so good. This morning I found some optimism in the fact that Blaze put his own boots on yesterday and this morning he went and got paper towel and cleaned up his mess, all on his own. These are little but I don’t want to lose sight of these things when I need them right now to know that some things are going in the right direction.
• I never lose sight of the things that I do have. I am so blessed to have a wonderful family, friends, home and job. I really do try to keep focused on the good and remember it each day as many times as I can.
• I also have faith that this will all work out and it will be the right thing… it is the meantime that is tough to swallow.
I wish I could tell you that doing these things turns it all around and I can be as bubbly as I need to be, but that would be a lie and I am not a liar. But they do help and doing these things keeps me from going to the sad places that I have been during the beginning of our Autism journey.
We have some “irons in the fire” that could be really great so say a prayer for us or keep your fingers crossed. We’d appreciate either:-)

2 thoughts on “The Truth

  1. Laura, loosing the nanny is a BIG change for Blaze. So of course he retreats. Routine, routine, routine is what makes him feel safe. Rough times bring new horizons for all of you. God won’t give you more than you can handle. I love you girl.

  2. Alan

    I recommend the circle walking. Make it a decent size circle around your house. This is in reference to Jericho and an older story. Walk around in silence, clear your head and pray. I promise that at least on one occasion if you can clear your mind enough… You will hear God! You will not hear him through your ears, but through your conscience! May he crumble the walls that stand in your way!

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